I despise chain emails and I’m pretty damn close to despising the people who send these loads of virus infested fistfuls of inane crap my way.
I have one Mac down because of this doltish behavior and I’m ready to start taking scalps if I see another piece of this cloaked shittery sitting in my email.
Stop it.
Nobody want’s to read this crap. I do not care if I’m eventually plagued by locusts if I don’t (and I can promise you I that won’t) send it to ten other people. The political crap you’re sending me? I saw it three weeks ago. The stabs at saving my soul with hellfire damnation fodder aren’t making me feel real friendly or Christian and my charity rolls are full up, thank you very much.
Just fucking stop it before I hunt you down and put a serious hurting on your thick stupid skull.
**Here’s another gripe. The jerk that owns the closest Apple store lives in my neighborhood, his bratty kid shares a classroom with one of my sons and he dishes up some of the worst customer service at his place of business that I’ve ever encountered. He employs a squad of arrogant, unwashed rude pricks to do personal interface and it takes twenty plus rings for his douchy bastards to answer the phone. It’s Apple for crying out loud, can’t I just make a service appointment online? I am in a foul mood.
Absolutely! I’m going to forward this message on to all my friends who’d agree with what you have to say!
Awesome! Let’s start a whole new chain of gory emails! Let me embed a vicious virus or two before you pass it on, PD.
This touches on a whole set of email related peeves I have. I delete chain mails unread. Bad luck from doing so has yet to befall me.
Next on the list is the forwarding of “OMG! This is a true story, don’t delete…” emails. 99% of them are crap. I will ALWAYS check them on Snopes, and then send the link back to the sender. I don’t know why, but I just don’t seem to get too many of them these days. Was it something I said?
Oh, by the way, why isn’t most people are too lame/lazy to delete the 300 lines of forwarded email addresses. I don’t want to spend five minutes scrolling down to figure out what you sent me. Deleted, unread.
Find the Apple manager’s work email address.
Forward all of the chain mails to him.
Excellent idea, Gordon.
I love wicked men.
(I’ve detested chain emails for over 20 years… My attempts to reply to all and try to educate have failed miserably. Now? I just delete them sigh unseen)
Uh, if you were having a problem with your computer, would you even be able to log a service request online?
I know, stupid question. Who doesn’t have multiple interfaces to the web these days? But it can be fun sometimes. I actually had a technician tell me to go to a website when I called up for a no-internet issue. It was a laughable moment, and he really wasn’t being that stupid, just too rote.
I have three computers, Daniel so I’m not cut off from the web when one goes down. I probably wouldn’t have been so pissed off if my laptop had crashed (a cheap pc) but it was my big mac that took the hit.
Argggg.
I tell anyone and everyone I give my email addy to, that if I receive even 1 email chain letter, they will be automatically blocked or banned from EVER sending me an email of any sort.
I accept no excuses, whatsoever! Had one friend get all huffy because I banned/blocked her ass. She said all whiney, ” It was a mistake. I accidently ccd All.” I told her, “Well, you won’t make that “mistake” with me again, because I won’t ever accept an email from you again.”
Pissed her right off, but that’s tuff shit!
I hate that crap!
I’m mailing this entire post, including comments, to my ex-wife. That should make it stop. Heh.
Any “Hello Darling” emails or HD viewers such as
http://www.sophos.com/blogs/gc/g/2009/03/25/apple-mac-malware-caught-camera/
I hate chain letters too, of absolutely any and all kinds, and I will stop writing to people who start sending me forwards unless I have a link to debunk it. Your rant above was great except for the f-word, otherwise, it sounds very me-ish, Hehe! The sick kid hoaxes that call you a child killer for not forwarding, the fake religious chains that tell you you’ll go to hell for not trying to save your religion or acknowledging God by passing on the chain letter, ARGH! And don’t get me started on all those STUPID fake friendship spams! You know, the kind that says “Somebody’s thinking of you! You are so incredibly special! You are so loved! A hug means (huge essay that no one needs chain letters telling you already( A kiss is like (insert other chain sappy sayings) Now! Show all your friends how much you love them and pass this on! Otherwise you’re not a good friend and you won’t get any copies back which means you don’t have any friends and you don’t deserve friends!” So much for being special, eh, that fwd butter-up is nothing but a con-job and people are getting fooled. And to top it off, I get these from people who never write me unless they get suckered into forwarding the latest spam of this ilk! And don’t you just love how so many of these say “You are my one truest best most specialist friend in da whole world!” yet the Cc: and To: fields in the email headers are 100 miles long? Yeah, one and only, my foot.
None of those, Vanderleun, but thanks for the heads up.
Could parody fix this? Like for example, smartass smackdowns like yours?
I have the original Airplane movie where Robert Stack shows up at the airport and all the Hari Krishnas, Buddhists, Jehovah’s Witnesses, Shriners, et cetera start mobbing him while he just smacks at them like they’re flies. Now I was awfully young at the time and not terribly experienced at flying, but it seemed to me the problem had tapered off somewhat after that. I wonder if the weapon of biting humor was to be deployed in a sufficiently shared medium, might it penetrate the thick walls of relative anonymity enjoyed by the spammers? Can the shameless be shamed away from behavior they won’t abandon in the face of escalating potential and severity of real punishment?
Stranger things have happened…….
Here is one parody.
Naturally, it itself turned into a chain letter. (I’ve received variations multiple times over the years written by different people)
http://www.perry.com/bizarre/antichn.html
Good one, Paul. And who can ever forget this…
http://www.cs.rutgers.edu/~watrous/goodtimes-spoof.html
or the virus?
You have just received the “ Virus”.
As we here in don’t have any programming experience, this virus works on the honor system. Please delete all the files from your hard drive and manually forward this virus to everyone on your mailing list.
oops, the comment system ate my symbols. Wish there was an edit or preview about now…
You have just received the “ [ ethnic group ] Virus”.
As we here in [ ethnic group land ] don’t have any programming experience, this virus works on the honor system. Please delete all the files from your hard drive and manually forward this virus to everyone on your mailing list.
That’s the trouble with anti-chain letters, and I’ve seen a few, they get posted everywhere and emailed around so they’ve become chain letters and I’ve stopped laughing at them. But that’s just the well-established “anti-chain letters” such as the ones posted above, including the “Bad Times Virus” etc. But – I’ve gotten so many chain letters over the years and just ranting privately and trying to convey to my friends to kick the habit just doesn’t seem to work, neither does keeping politely silent. I have a couple of sites for dealing with these things, one is a Ning social network where people are welcome to chit-chat, and rant their heads off about chain letters. The other is something I’m working on with a friend but it’s really for anyone as well – it’s called Hoaxton, and it’s dealing with chain letters through creative writing. You should see what she and I have done to several chain letters already, from a couple of those incomplete story forwards that claim you’ll get more and more, or the rest of the story if you forward to x number of people. We made up the rest of the story instead and it ended up being pretty crazy. We also dealt with Farmville, Mafia Wars, virtual gift-sending madness, and death-chains from Facebook, and that Sundarbans ghost girl. And I absolutely creamed Bloody Mary and her sad little reject pals, the kiddies with no noses and ears who say they will kill you in your bed with a knife if you refuse to pass on their forward. The site is http://fictionlands.pbworks.com/hoaxton and working on it sure has helped keep me from almost killing my computer lately whenever some friend has sent me forwards.
Well… I owe ya, Daph. I just got off the phone with my daughter-in-law who relayed that my ex- was PISSED that I sent her this post. Mission Accomplished, and all that.
Thanks.
*Tsks* That’s another thing that bugs me to no end, forwarders who get ticked off when they learn that forwards really aren’t so special after all. I guess it’s wounded pride. And then there are those who complain when you do a reply-all to debunk a chain. The complainers should really be complaining about and to the doofus who sent them the forward and not griping about the debunk. Some people just…refuse…to…get…it…
Buck, I can’t believe you did that. You are one ballsy son of a gun, sir.
Well played, Buck, well played!
All that shit is the equivalent of junk mail in snail mail.
Heh.
Beloved in Jesus,
As it is written, so shall it be.
As it is hummed, so shall it be irritating.
As it is danced, so shall it be judged klutzy and substantially foul.
As it is blown, so shall it say Boy, Howdy!
Just what IT is, we don’t exactly know.
[I used to have a friend named Eggs Actly, but that is not germane to the festivities.]
But all things are known to The Lord, Beloved.
And let us say, “So what?”
And they shall reply, “Sew buttons.”
And thereby elicit a chuckle,
Or a gasp of intestinal pain
From excessive bean dippage.
Pass along this prayer and you will be rewarded.
Goodwife Proctor passed along the prayer. A week later a strange little man named Gottlieb showed her a can of sardines that he had in his pants.
105 year old Lester “Salty” Cod—a native of Ligature Marks, Louisiana—passed on the prayer. Two months later, his dog—Scrofula—threw up a bullet that had been lodged in Lester’s right buttock since the Battle of the Marne, April, 1914.
Bad luck has plagued persons who—through ADD and/or arrogant posturing—did NOT pass on the prayer.
Mrs. Ida Hoe (wife of Joe) did not pass along the prayer. Two weeks later, Joe—who had been nursing bleeding gums and a goiter named Sid—was killed in a freak typewriter accident.
Missus Saggin Dugs failed to pass on the prayer. A year later her cat—Psoriasis—developed a hare lip. The cat is now unable to say Meow. “Mmmmffff, Mmmmfff” is pretty much its best effort. Sad. [And so unnecessary.]
Mr. Josiah Puffenshorts scoffed at the prayer. Two years (!) later, he was run over by a tanker truck on Route 221, right across the road from Mel and Ned’s Henna Rinse and Meat Emporium. The tanker was carrying melted cheese. Mr. Puffenshorts was instantly nachoed.
**********
I gotta get another job. These people are making me crazy.
“How about we teach a sequence of courses on social justice?”
“I got a better idea. How about you eat broken glass?”
Lance, dude, we are so psychically connected! I just called up you by name on my most recent post not more than two minutes ago and here you are…you’re in the wrong place, but what the hey, it was a pretty well timed appearance.
Okay, I’ll have a go at it.
–
Chain: Beloved in Jesus,
Me: not to be confused with spammed in chain letters
Chain: As it is written, so shall it be.
Me: Be, not mutated, twisted, and spread like a virus all over the internet.
Chain: Just what IT is, we don’t exactly know.
Me: Whatever it is, if it’s a chain letter, it’s not from God.
Chain: But all things are known to The Lord, Beloved.
Me: Including the difference between chain letters and what’s for real and not obnoxious lies.
Chain: And they shall reply, “Sew buttons.”
Me: And “stop passing on chain letters.”
Chain: Pass along this prayer and you will be rewarded.
Me: With at least one friend thoroughly annoyed though she or he might not tell you outright, several more who simply suffer in silence rather than tell you this “prayer” is not a prayer at all, but a twisted chain letter dictation designed to sucker you into passing the viral along.
Chain: “How about we teach a sequence of courses on social justice?”
Me: How about learning not to spread the virals.
Capri, you crack me up.
You’re clearly obsessed with this pet peeve in very delightful way.
Thanks Daphne! *Grins*
I do admire a well placed obsession with the resulting satire of a bright mind, Capri.
You’re welcome on my doorstop any day of the week. I find you absolutely charming, my dear.
Hehe! Thanks! Well, considering my long tortured history of getting these things or even seeing them posted online as off-topic but So urgent or special *cough* and yes, an imagination’s got to find its outlet somewhere, eh? Lol! But seriously, it all started when I was new to the net and fell for the Neiman Marcus cookie recipe hoax. The headers didn’t go very far back on the copy I received, so I thought it was actually from my cousin’s friend. But a few weeks later, I saw it posted again on a public forum and not sent to me in a private email. The headers were completely different, no relation whatsoever to my cousin or her friend. “Dang, don’t tell me… This is just a stupid hoax? Gah *embarrassment*” I’d heard that there were chain letters on the net then but had no idea they used every emotional angle and trick in the book and beyond – including rumors about companies just to pass on a recipe that isn’t even all that great, or especially religion.
But – then came the one that REALLY got my rage against chain letters out in full force.
The missing/dying kid hoax! Before I passed it on any further – and it had been posted to a public forum, someone informed the poster and the rest of the forum that it was a sick hoax.
*Screaming* “What the !@#$?”
Since then, I have absolutely hated and been determined to smash any and all chains as mercilessly as possible that come my way or that I just happen on. What I’d like to do to these sickos who get their kicks making up dying/missing kid stories and then bully people into forwarding them by insulting them if they don’t – - well…